Somewhere along my life’s period of socialization I chose to complete a social science degree and as such have always been interested to some degree or another in the psychological and or social aspects of human behaviour. However, this blog is inspired by an article on the Leader SA site where Bronnie Ware discussed the five main regrets of terminal patients after working with them for many years. To summarise, the five main points are:
The full article is available at: http://www.leader.co.za/article.aspx?s=6&f=1&a=3144
I have long observed in myself, my family and friends (and perhaps this can be extended to society in general) that we have become focused or even obsessed about acquiring material objectives at the expense of personal happiness. Whilst material needs or the attainment thereof are certainly part of achieving the end goal of general happiness, I believe we all spend a disproportionate amount of time thereon while compromising real personal happiness as a result. No doubt, this does make some class assumptions as there are people who need to spend a lot more time on survival - let alone afford themselves the luxury of personal happiness but I will stick to my own requirements and what I can afford.
Happiness is an emotion that results from a cognitive process of evaluating things that make you feel good, against that which does not. This is not necessarily a judgemental or moral issue of good versus bad – just a personal emotion that may increase the release of endorphins from the pituitary gland for a feeling of well being. Because happiness is an emotion that has resulted from a process of occurrences and or the evaluation thereof, it follows that one has to make the pursuit thereof a cognitive and conscious process. The pursuit of personal happiness therefore must also be seen as that what you would prefer to happen to or around you for a greater amount of time than that which is enforced or not of principal choice.
This is also about self recognition, a process of introspection to discover ones inner drivers. Discovering (or rediscovering) what fuels desires and dedication to people, issues or projects is about confidence and acceptance of ones want’s, needs and also failures. It is about truly understanding the nature-nurture potential of one’s being. It is also only with the true recognition of the ‘self’ that we can relate (and interact) truthfully to others and their needs.
Acquiesce or submission to the personal needs or happiness of immediate others at the expense of ones own also requires attention (selflessness). In personal relationships we often avoid confrontation in order to ‘keep the peace’. However, more often than not, this can become a way of life (or weakness) with self-fulfilling repercussions as we continue to ‘give-a-little’ each and every day until there is a gaping hole in our own happiness bag. Understanding who the givers and takers are, the users and the used will help in redefining one’s self in order to attain happiness. It is here that the ethics and morality of happiness and self needs to be explored.
Happiness of course must be seen within its social context where compromise with those around you needs to be taken into consideration and as a result, personal happiness must also be a process of truthful negotiation with others so as to meet their happiness requirements as well. We have all had quite different upbringings and therefore personal needs and wants will differ, as much as our social consciences and perceptions thereof will differ as well. Relative value systems need to be recognized.
If the pursuit of happiness is to become a conscious goal then so too must its antithesis be, i.e. to avoid that which makes us unhappy. There is no doubt that certain situations or the presence of unsavoury characters that are beyond our control create a level of discomfort and as such must become part of the strategy to attain happiness.
Selfishness, versus self, versus selflessness is the most important part of the ‘life equation’ that one must always find balance in, in the ever changing surrounding environment (both created and subjected to) in order to find true self actualization and the happiness that will accompany it.
